Cowardly Custard Creams: Unacceptable

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Most of you will know that I am new to the blogging world and thus far I have been very lucky to receive nothing but pleasant and encouraging comments, in fact I am so naive that I hadn’t even heard of trolling. Of course I knew there were some lonely nasty people in the world who like nothing more than to belittle or denigrate other people’s feelings, but I didn’t expect to find them taking the time to comment on other peoples blog posts. One thing I have learnt in the last few weeks is that it takes enormous courage to write about yourself and your family, or to share opinions and circumstances that might not be to everyone’s’ taste. I never feel concerned sharing a funny post, but those where I lay my heart open leave me at risk of being hurt by these awful people.

I was first alerted to ‘trolls’ by a fellow Mummy who congratulated me on my review of the Tommee Tippee Perfect Prep, she asked if I had received any negative comments. I was surprised until I read her perfectly innocuous review and the follow-up comments. One lady was belligerent, she just kept coming back, throwing comment after comment at this poor blogger. Telling her she was endangering her child and that she was basically a terrible mother! WTF I thought, how can this awful woman be so vehement over something that in all honesty has nothing to do with her? Would she be this rude to this Mum’s face if she met her? I doubt it very much, but the internet and social media has provided a platform for this type of abuse. Whilst I love social media and blogging, I can’t stand the fact that people can hide behind their computer and spit bile at people with no recourse for their actions. When did it become acceptable to speak to people with such disrespect and anger?

I then found myself climbing on my moral pedestal a few days later when a lovely blogger linked up to #PuddingLove with a post describing how someone she had considered a friend begun to abuse her over the internet. This lovely mum had merely commented her opinion of immunisations and that sparked a huge backlash from the non-vaccinator corner, calling her an awful mum, saying she had caused her sons autism and generally horrible remarks. One even stated she should ‘get off the planet’. I could feel myself start to rage for this Mum, how dare anyone say such terrible things. As mothers we carry round enough guilt as it is without being cyber-judged by other people. Are people so passionate about the things that they believe in that they have forgotten how to treat other people? What happened to a moderate society and free speech? Everyone is living in fear of terrorists and fundamentalists, yet I can see everyday people so wrapped up in their own beliefs that they can’t see another’s point of view or they just plain forget how to be kind to each other. The point of free speech is that everyone has the right to talk and be heard without being squashed and silenced by others.

My last case in point was when a fellow blogger explained that she was upset that one of her followers was complaining about how many times she shared her blog links on twitter. OK not a big deal, quick apology and an explanation should suffice yes? No, this other twitter user had to make a big deal out of it and make this blogger feel like they were grabby and attention seeking when in all honesty they were just doing what we all do and that is advertising their latest post, because in most twitter feeds a tweet only has a short life span because everyone has loads of followers. Don’t we all get annoyed about things? But is it society these days that we just have to say we are annoyed? Can’t we just turn a blind eye?  Learn to accept the things that cannot be changed or in all honesty don’t matter? Why have we become a society where we feel its acceptable to be rude and unappreciative of another persons hard work. I can’t imagine my parents or grandparents behaving like this, and not just because they didn’t have the technology but because they knew that it is fundamentally wrong to be mean to someone just for the sake of being mean.

We have to teach our children about living in a world that is over run with social media and communication apps. A world where everything can be shared in seconds and that once it is out there it is there forever. Just because you can’t see that persons face or you don’t know them in the flesh doesn’t give you the right to be unkind or unfair. If you don’t like what someones written, you don’t have to be compelled to comment or join in the debate in a malicious way. I am not saying don’t have an opinion, but going back to that early teaching from your own mother ‘if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all’. Criticism can be helpful, lively debate is fun, but meanness for the sake of it is unnecessary and just makes you a coward. If you wouldn’t say it to someones face then don’t write it down, just because it’s in text form it doesn’t make it ok.

 

 

Photo Credit: Leo Reynolds via Compfight cc

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

ethannevelyn
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22 thoughts on “Cowardly Custard Creams: Unacceptable

  1. theparentingjungle says:

    I love how you put things so eloquently. I think it serves a good reminder how we need to consider our words, blogging is a personal thing, we share really emotive stuff and whilst it may be over a digital medium that cant excuse unkindness. I am not against debates and opinions but these need to be considered x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carol Cameleon says:

    Absolute! The internet allows people to hide and I doubt very much that even 1% of these people would have the nerve to say such things to the recipient’s face. Just last week I went to a talk on internet at our little girl’s school. She’s 6 and they had the same talk from the same (brilliant) man – age appropriate of course. I came away feeling a little more ‘fore-warned’ but ultimately still uneasy that we really have to embrace techonology and social media because there’s no keeping our children away from it. Whether you want to or not. #pocolo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Petite Pudding says:

      I hope that all of us bloggers out there will be a bit more savvy for doing what we do and that will help us to educate our children about ‘internet etiquette’. Good to hear that schools are taking this seriously and getting in there early with the kids. Thanks for your comment x

      Like

  3. A mum track mind says:

    I have yet to come across this kind of trolling but I know its out there – that’s why I moderate all my comments for letting them go live on my blog. Wouldn’t want to give sad people the air time! Great blog by the way, your writing style is fab – #FabFridayPost

    Liked by 1 person

  4. babiesbiscuitsandbooze says:

    This is such a well written post and I totally agree with you. I think it’s sad and pathetic that people hide behind their computer screens to say cruel things to others. I was planning to start a feminist blog at one point and I warned all my family that I would probably be dealing with a huge backlash of trolls! I haven’t come across this in my parenting blog yet but I have seen so many rude people on forums and Facebook groups etc.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Petite Pudding says:

      It really is unacceptable for people to be deliberately hurtful just because they are typing their opinions rather than saying them out loud. I am glad you haven’t had any of these issues with your blog, but don’t let that hold you back from starting your feminist blog. The tribe will have your back! Thanks for commenting x

      Like

  5. ethannevelyn.com says:

    I can’t believe how nasty some people can become. It is beyond belief that at this days in age – we cannot expressed anything without having to worry what other think. I have not experience this yet this – and let’s hope it stay that way. I just really don’t know how to even deal with it to be honest. Your post is such a great reminder that we all should have that sensitivity and consideration for others. Great post!

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Kim Carberry says:

    Very well said! Fantastic post.
    People can be so nasty when they have a computer to hide behind!
    That last blogger your mentioned….If the follower had such a problem with the bloggers twitter feed why didn’t they just unfollow then it wouldn’t be a problem. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Petite Pudding says:

      Thats what I said – why bother to make a fuss just unfollow! It’s the major pitfall of social media that people can hide behind there computers and say whatever they please with no thought for anyone elses feelings. Thank you for commenting x

      Like

  7. twotinyhands says:

    Here here puds. We have a lot to teach our little ones, and being social savvy is going to be an imortant one. It’s changed a lot since my childhood not just our grandparents. It;s going to be an interesting ride ahead! #pocolo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Petite Pudding says:

      Agreed its a total minefield – I am hoping that my blogging will increase my knowledge of whats out there and how it works so that I can help to teach my kids about the internets potentials and dangers. Thanks for commenting xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Double the Monkey Business says:

    I am really horrified to hear about these trolls. I have been lucky, so far, to not have experienced this and I am gobsmacked that people have to put up with this. I am not sure I would be able to keep my cool if someone commented like this on my blog 😦 We have so much to teach our children, kindness is a mantra that I talk to my boys about daily. If you can be anything, be kind… x #fortheloveofBLOG

    Liked by 1 person

  9. occupation:(m)other says:

    So true, I don’t understand why people can be so unnecessarily awful online and think that’s ok. It seems to go hand in hand with social media now so lots to think about for our little ones growing up in that digital world. The anti-vac example you mention was utterly appalling…I’m still shocked people can be so personal and cruel. Good pedestalling #fortheloveofBLOG

    Like

  10. Louise says:

    It’s so sad when people feel the need to make such unkind remarks online and I agree with the whole thing of “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” and also not saying something to someone online that you wouldn’t be prepared to say to their face – it’s good advice to live by and I wish more people would take it on board to. It’s one of my biggest bugbears with social media – the way some people use it to bully others when they don’t agree with them. Thankfully I’ve not been on the receiving end of trolls – yet – but it must be horrible to have it happen to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. rachelbustin blog (@RachelBustin) says:

    Its horrible when people have to make awful comments. I actually had my first horrid comments a few weeks ago from a supposedly ‘friend’ all because we went to our new caffe nero for coffee cake and i wrote a blog post on it. they commented horrible things like how could i support chains that dont pay tax and treat their workers horrble. The comments were pretty nasty. I suppose it was beacause they actually run an independent cake shop around the corner from nero. but we just wanted a change and surely we are allowed to go for a coffee anywhere we want to xx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Crossing New Bridges (@CrossNewBridges) says:

    Yes, Yes, Yes! I completely agree! There needs to be a balance of what to type and what not to say in social media. Unfortunately there is no social etiquette being taught in the schools that are pushing it. Even sadder is most of the parents of the kids learning to use social media incorrectly have no idea what their kids are doing or even how to access what they are doing. The most offensive of social media is grown adults being completely inappropriate.

    Liked by 1 person

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